I was washing dishes this morning and thinking about Khloë and then about the new baby. And I realized that this time around, if this baby is healthy and does not have SMA, then our life will be filled with all these milestones that we’ve never experienced before. How crazy is it that, as a second-time mom, I have never had the joy to watch my baby grab for a toy within her reach? I never saw my baby learn to roll over or sit by herself for the first time; she never crawled or pulled herself up to standing; she didn’t even take her first steps or learn to feed herself. All of these little things will be brand-new to us.
Instead, we watched our baby grow taller but also weaker. She had her first surgery at 8 months old–a feeding tube to allow her proper nutrition. Then we learned how to operate a Joey feeding pump, clean out feed bags, prepare formula, and care for her tube site. After that intervention, to help prolong her life, came the BiPap machine and another hospital stay. Any time Khloë took a nap or went to sleep for the night, Mommy or Daddy would put the Pixi mask on her face, check the leak, make sure she was comfortable, and then off she would go to dreamland. By the time she was 11 months old, she was requiring us to suction her mouth and throat much more often; this meant she was losing her ability to swallow. Twice a day, we would perform a cough treatment to make sure all the yucky stuff in her lungs got out because she couldn’t cough it out on her own.
All these things, they were Khloë’s special milestones.
But I had the most amazing daughter. She liked music and loved it when Daddy helped her play xylophone or strum a guitar. She enjoyed watching “The Magic School Bus” and “Chuggington” on Netflix. She especially liked when one of us would dance around with her in our arms! She would lay contentedly on her ottoman, playing with her Do Not Enter sign and Sharkie, until she dropped one of them; then she would wait patiently for Mommy to pick the toy up and give it back to her. She rarely complained or cried. She was always so happy, no matter what we did during the day. Her giggle will always be the cutest thing I have ever heard. I think that’s what I remember the most.
Things are going to be very different when the new baby comes. I think we are up for the challenge!
I haven’t updated in a long time and I hope that I can begin to get things back to normal around here. I loved putting together the weekly updates about Khloë, and now that she is gone I haven’t felt the call back to this blog. But today I want to start again.
My angel’s resting place
On April 11th friends and family gathered at the Willowbank Cemetery as we buried our sweet little girl. The sky was blue, the snow was finally gone, and the leaves blew in the breeze. The weather was perfect and allowed us to say goodbye in sunshine.
Afterward, everyone came back for a small reception at the church Jordan and I were married at. Some amazing people provided sandwiches, fruit and veggie platters, and desserts. We are thankful to each person who came out to let us know how much Khloë touched their lives.
We also recently announced to the world that Khloë is going to be a big sister! As of today I’m 12+4 weeks pregnant and my due date is November 2nd. 🙂
I used the above image to make the announcement! This was the surprize we had for Jordan’s parents, too. I texted my mother-in-law that picture right before we boarded our planes (in two different cities) and she was so excited that she had to tell some passengers on the plane. 😀 Needless to say, we are all excited! Don’t get me wrong, there is definitely a scary aspect to this pregnancy, but I’m determined to stay positive and believe that God will give us the baby we need.
Next weekend we will be heading to Kingston to finalize a burial plot for Khloë. We decided to purchase a family plot. Then the burial will be April 11th.
At the end of this month Jordan and I will be flying to Orlando, Florida! I’m super excited about this trip. His parents wanted to take us on a much-deserved vacation and of course we said yes. Everything is now booked and the countdown is on! We have a surprize for them while we’re there, too!
A letter to our baby girl on the day of her celebration of life:
January 21, 2015
On the day you entered the world, your Daddy and I became the happiest people on earth. We were given a perfect little girl. We knew we would do anything for you, no matter what. You already had us wrapped around your finger. Watching you grow from a teeny baby into a toddler has been a privilege.
Our favourite part of the day was waking up and going into your room to be greeted by a big smile. You knew that we were there to give you a kiss and bring you out to the living room to play. And did you ever like to play! It didn’t matter that your body was weak; you still found a way to stuff Sharkie in your mouth, toss your Do Not Enter sign on the floor so we had to pick it up over and over again, or play xylophone and strum the guitar with Daddy. The look in your blue eyes whenever you discovered something new was priceless.
You were one lucky girl, let me tell you!
Khloë, you were the strongest little person we knew. You fought a terrible disease every single day, but didn’t let it get you down.
We have so many wonderful memories of you, Sweet Pea: your first laugh, dressing you up for photo shoots, playing peek-a-boo under a blanket, swimming in the tub, camping in Bar Harbor, and the first time you said “a-bah a-bah” which sounded suspiciously like a chicken bawking.
Daddy and I will never forget the light you brought to our lives. Today we celebrate your beautiful life.
Hugs and kisses,
Momma and Dadda
I chose my favourite Hello Kitty picture from each month and made this collage of Khloë:
I love seeing these photos next to one another. Brings back great memories of my girl. 🙂